|
|
winner
From the environmental file: The journal Geophysical Research Letters reported that Los Angeles County’s 298,000 farting cows contribute as much smog-forming ammonia to the air as its 9.9 million automobiles. Researchers recommended altering the cow’s diets, although they said nothing about altering the diets of Angelinos addicted to In-N-Out burgers. Meanwhile, NASCAR released an environmental “white paper” just days before its April 22nd race in Kansas City, which coincided with Earth Day. In the paper, the high-octane, deeply fried racing body said it has launched various eco-initiatives, from making credential lanyards out of recycled pop bottles to ordering Miss Sprint Cup to “wear a green fire suit throughout the weekend in support of the environment.” That’s one Mother Nature we’d like to see. To be ever so slightly fair, Ford did supply a pair of electric Focus pace cars to the series.
loser
As of March, Ford had mailed out about 300,000 do-it-yourself fix-it kits for its highly touted—and even more highly flawed—MyFord Touch system. The kit includes a memory stick with the software updates to plug into the car. Download time: about one hour. For half of that time, you can’t change radio or climate-control settings. An instructional video posted by Ford on YouTube suggests owners do it on a long drive (during which the climate and radio are not needed) or “do a crossword puzzle, read a book, or just do whatever you feel like doing.” Such as taking a sledgehammer to the dash?
winner
Ointment flies notwithstanding, Ford did have triumphs this year. In May, in only the third-ever use of the public-address system at the company’s world headquarters (the first was when Henry II died in 1987, the second on 9/11), Ford chairman Bill Ford Jr. announced from the security alcove near the front door that the blue oval was back out of hock. As you may recall, Ford mortgaged its name and logo as part of its $23.5 billion loan package in 2006. In May, after enjoying rebounding sales and profits, Ford’s debt was reduced enough to be upgraded from junk status to investment grade.
loser
Though the assumption is that somebody important is involved when a police escort whistles by, in this case it was just rich douche bags in automotive exotica who had convinced a couple of New Jersey State Police troopers to escort them on a high-speed blast to Atlantic City. Of course, the weaving, full-throttle party was captured on the iPhones of annoyed motorists, as was the fact that all the cars, allegedly including the police units, had their license plates taped over. Criminal charges were filed against the troopers, one of whose attorneys admitted that “it was a mistake.”
winner
Ikuo Yokoyama thought he had lost everything in the March 2011 earthquake and tsunami in Japan, including three family members. Then, more than a year later, a Canadian named Peter Mark was riding the beach of Graham Island in British Columbia on his ATV when he stumbled onto Yokoyama’s Harley-Davidson. The bike had floated 4000 miles across the Pacific, along with some golf clubs and camping equipment, in a storage container missing its door, something that can only happen in a world that is round, or spheroid, or whatever.
loser
Our favorite source for this stuff, the trade magazine Automotive News, reported that the class-action lawsuit over unintended acceleration is still on. No, not the one looming against Toyota. The one against Audi. Though the infamous 60 Minutes episode indicting Audi aired more than 26 years ago, and the automaker was cleared of all blame by NHTSA in 1989, a version of the original class-action suit continues to slog through the courts. The case has been dismissed several times and passed through the hands of multiple judges, but amended complaints mean new generations of lawyers have bit into the suit’s butt where senior lawyers have let go. Notes the paper: Audi sold only 300,000 besmirched cars against the roughly 10 million vehicles that Toyota has so far recalled, suggesting Toyota’s legal problems could last approximately until the sun explodes.
|
|
Leave a Reply